Santa Baby, 

Just slip a sable, (whatever that might be) under the tree, for me. 

I’ve been an awfully good girl. Especially if you ignore the incident that took place a few days ago.

I didn’t mean to throw my middle finger in the air. And I have no idea how that terribly offensive word flew out of my mouth at such volume. Honestly I never normally use such language. Least of all in public. But you see it was raining, and I was drenched. And that car plunged directly into a puddle of about 10 inches in depth causing an almighty tidal wave to come crashing down on me in my new coat and well . . . He sort of deserved what I accidentally called him. 

I know by now you must have made your list and checked it twice so you probably already know who’s naughty and nice. Hopefully the fact that I was punished for the aforementioned outburst, by a major dose of embarrassment as I had to stand in the playground amongst the Mums that had witnessed the scene and now are probably under the impression that I am a tourettes sufferer or something, will mean that the episode of naughtiness is well and truly behind us and you can put me back on the nice list?

 

I promise not to let it happen again. Just this afternoon, for example, I broke the heel on my beautiful boots whilst tottering around Asda and I barely muttered the ‘f’ word under my breath. So there’s a start?!

The thing is Santa Baby, I know bad language is probably frowned upon by you and your Elves, but it can be very therapeutic. And sometimes quite necessary. So I sincerely hope you still come down the Chimney to bring me my presents this year.

So anyway, back to my list. As well as the sable, might I also have a higher metabolism this year too? I’ve heard they are quite necessary for those of us who wish to have the body of a supermodel whilst still indulging in the yummy foods that are compulsory to scoff over the Christmas period? I will of course start my diet on New Years Day, (as I do every year) and will of course be more dedicated this year than any other, (as I am every year) - it’s just that the metabolism might help for the next few weeks. (I fully intend on testing the mince pies for you, you see, before we leave them out on Crimbo Eve.)

Santa Baby . . . I know everyone else is dreaming of a white Christmas, but I’d appreciate it if you could save the snow for the North Pole, cause it’s kinda cold enough this year. Numb fingers and faces all aglow may sound idyllic in carols, but they’re rather unattractive in real life. If my face really must be all aglowing could you ensure it is doing so with Benefit High Beam and Saint Tropez fake tan instead? Thank you. :-)

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a phone. I’ve spilt Diet Coke all over my one and no amount of resuscitating, disassembling and drying in the airing cupboard will bring it back to life this time. I promise in the future to not put opened bottles in my handbag.

Also, Santa Baby, I know it’s not very politically correct these days, but I wondered if you might send me a servant? Or a slave? I’m not fussy :-) It’s just that I don’t want to waste valuable time doing washing and cleaning and bed-making and stuff.  I don’t mind if my slave is human or robotic or anything really, however this request is of utmost importance so please sprinkle a little extra speed dust, (not drugs, of course, but the stuff you use for your sleigh) in order to deliver this present without delay :-)

Now I’d like you to take a moment to think, if you would, of all the fun I’ve missed. Think of all the fella’s that I haven’t kissed . . . ? Next year I could be just as good if you check out my Christmas list?

So Santa Baby, that’s my list and really it’s not a lot. I’ve been an angel all year, Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney on the 24th.

Love Steph x x x

 
 


Comments

Mumma

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 4:22:48 am

Since I have more or less been what you call Santa Baby in your wonderful blog, I thought I would be the first one to comment on whether I think you have been "naughty or nice"

Thank you for always being at the end of the phone for me (you have been nice) Thank you for making me the proudest Mummu in the world by your abundance of talents. By the way I laughed out loud when you mentioned the St Tropet fake tan instead of having a face all aglow!!! Mummy, I mean Santa will definately visit you this year honey! xxx

 

Stephie

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 7:50:36 am

LOL :-) I shall make sure my stocking is extra big this year then!

Thanks Mumma for such a lovely message, and thank you for always reading!

I'm gonna try and call you now!

x x x

 

Paula

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:20:15 am

Loved this post!

Oh and I think people who splash you deserve to be served with some sort of anti social behaviour order. Once I got so splashed I had to go home and get changed . . . AND MY FACE WAS COVERED IN MUD!!

 

Stephie

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 10:50:24 pm

Thank you Paula :-)

Nice to know also that I'm not the only one who suffers splashing incidents from time to time! lol

I was so embarrassed though, could have died! I yelled such an inappropriate word sooooo loudly in front of tons of mums and kids at the school and now have to walk with my tail firmly between my legs!

Steph x

 

Carly (WivesandDaughters)

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 6:47:22 am

Oh poor you, that eejjit deserved a little verbal abuse I do believe, you SLOW DOWN when it has been raining and you are driving past people! Why do they not know that! :)

Also a sable is an animal and in the song they are referring to a coat made of sable fur..so a fur coat...I just Googled that as I was curious too! How the hec are we supposed to know such a thing..silly song :)

Anyway Just came across your blog for the first time and will stay tuned now :)

 



Leave a Reply