What a difference a day makes . . .  24 little hours. :-) 

I’ll never ever be able to portray the sense of utter euphoria that I’m experiencing right now, not even with a million words and all the time in the world. I just couldn’t do it justice. And I don’t know how long it’ll last, how long I’ll be able to savour the emotion. So for now all I can do is breathe deeply and soak it in and let the happiness wash over me until it seeps into every pore of my entire aching body. 

And boy is my body aching. Muscles I never knew existed are making their presence known by throbbing constantly. I feel bruised and battered and as though I’ve just done five rounds with Tyson and I’m so unbelievably tired and weary. Still I am one happy little lady and why? Well it’s all to do with the new man in my life.  

I said I didn’t do waiting. Least of all for a man. But my goodness good things certainly do come to those who wait. Leonardo Harrison Connolly, formerly known as Baby C and affectionately named Leo for short, is here at last, here safe and sound on the outside world and I wonder if I’ll ever be able to look at him without my heart melting and happy tears filling my eyes.  

Dearest blog and lovely, lovely followers, today’s entry will no doubt be an extremely soppy and emotional one, so I apologise in advance for making you sick, alas a combination of shock, exhaustion, overwhelming emotions and readjusting hormones have temporarily turned me a little hypersensitive.  

I hadn’t expected to experience this. Of course I knew I’d love him. But I hadn’t expected to fall so quickly. With his big sister I had been the opposite, fully expecting, from the moment I held her in my arms, to feel that sense of motherly love washing over me. Nobody had warned me that it might not have happened that way, that it might have taken a little longer for it to kick in. And it did take a little while for Lorelei and I. For the first few weeks we just plodded along getting to know each other before that love and that stronger-than-glue bond, that now exists between me and my amazing daughter, began to truly develop.  

So up until 2:19am on Saturday morning, I had sort of written the ‘love at first sight,’ instant Mother-Baby-bond off as all just a bit of a farce, something society had invented and yet another thing for a new mummy to feel guilty about. Yet now I can safely say that in some cases, not all of course, but some, it does happen just like it does in the movies. 

So anyway, enough of all the slushy stuff,  I know you’re waiting for me to cut to the chase and fill you in on all the details of Baby C’s journey. Well brace yourselves Ladies and Gents (especially you gents, I don’t want to  frighten you ;-) ) cos it was one hell of a ride! 

Well it all began, a mere hour or so after I’d published my last blog entry,  in a rather dramatic fashion actually, (now, come on, this is me we’re talking about, you didn’t expect it to be anything but dramatic did you?! Lol) I’d been sitting on our old office chair, breathing through the contractions and relaxing with one of my Mumma’s legendary back massages when I felt a sudden dampness on my seat. Now I am not in the habit of peeing my pants, (I’m very proud to announce) so of course I assumed that my waters had finally broken.  

I asked Jay to call the hospital so that they could send the midwife out. He explained that my waters had broken and spoke for a few minutes before hanging up. “They asked what colour your waters are?” Jay told me, (discoloured waters can sometimes indicate that the baby’s are in distress,) But I hadn’t even thought to look. So I stood up, wobbled a little, looked down and then I wobbled quite a lot. And got quite scared. And nearly cried actually. Because it wasn’t water at all that had drenched my chair. It was blood.  

Now I’m no expert on child birth at all, far from it, but I do know that loss of blood, especially lots of it, isn’t normal before the baby is born. And so of course I began to freak out. Just a tad.* 

I hate bringing gory details to your attention, I don’t want to frighten anyone with this story, but for the purpose of accuracy I’m not going to censor too much of this tale. So please read on with caution. 

In manner of a drunken tourettes sufferer crossed with a headless chicken I began to waddle around the house in a panic. I sat on the toilet and lost a further alarming amount of blood And an ambulance was called. 

The paramedics, armed with gas and air and boxes of supplies arrived almost as fast as they do on the telly, which was such a relief. They took my blood pressure, felt my pulse and kept me calm and a few moments later the midwife arrived too. I cracked a few jokes as I always do when I’m ridiculously frightened or nervous or something. I apologised to the poor midwife for my lack of underwear, (honestly, ‘I’m Steph, pleased to meet you, excuse my fanny’, just reminds you of how little dignity one can keep during child birth,) and silently I prayed.  

I knew it was serious. Mainly as Mum, despite her attempts to look calm and collected, was clearly shitting it. I heard her ask the midwife in hushed tones whether it was normal to lose that amount of blood.  The midwife, under no uncertain terms, replied, that no, it was not. 

I composed myself and blew kisses at my sleepy child as she was carried over to our neighbours house and then in my polka-dot nightie and enormous, fluffy slippers, (Sssshhh, don’t tell Gok.) I was led towards the blue flashing lights of the awaiting ambulance on the drive.  

I’m not sure whether it was from sheer fear or the pain of the increasingly strong contractions,  but pretty soon after we set off for the 20 min journey to the hospital I became re-acquainted with the wonders of entinox, (Gas and Air.) I puffed hard with each contraction and let myself relax in a state of dizziness whilst I tried to negotiate some kind of deal with the man upstairs. ‘Please don’t let me die.’ I said, ‘And I promise to be really good.’  

Baby wasn’t moving. I hadn’t felt him move for hours. Not even a little kick or a nudge. The midwife said she could hear his heart beating on her little Doppler thingy, but I still wasn’t at ease.  

The last time I’d been at Kettering General Hospital I had sworn never to return, and yet I found myself arriving in style, in my aforementioned outfit, laid flat on a stretcher, being wheeled by paramedics and clutching a cylinder of gas, but guess what? This time I didn’t have to wait to be seen at all. :-)  

Straight into my own room I was wheeled and within minutes I was introduced to a wonderful midwife with a lovely warm smile. They strapped me to a monitor where I got to hear my son’s heart beating steadily for myself and finally I managed to relax just long enough for the harsh realities of the task ahead to dawn on me like the brightest, sunniest morning after the heaviest  of nights out. 

They didn’t know what had caused the blood loss, but they decided to put a tube into my veins in case I needed urgent anaesthetic or something. (Do I sound like I know what I’m on about here? I really don’t lol) - That part hurt like hell. And was very, very messy as the guy forgot to screw the cap on properly and the blood squirted out like a fountain. I didn’t actually see it, but my darling husband has filled me in on all the gory details in the way that only boys can.  

At 12:15am the midwife examined me. And gave me the tragic news that I was only 3cms dilated. 3 measly cm’s, for those of you who haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about, is a little pathetic when it comes to dilation. The cervix needs to be dilated to 10 cm’s in diameter, (which sounds huge, but trust me, doesn’t feel it) before the baby’s head can pass through and  they reckon most women dilate about a centimetre an hour in labour. With 7cm’s to go it looked like we would be in for a long one and to sum it up, Mum, who had been providing me with 100% support and attention all the way through, chose that moment to go and get a coffee lol. 

So with the possibility of hours and hours ahead of us my lovely smiley midwife very kindly offered me some drugs which cheered me right up. The gas and air tube was still glued to my hand and providing me with enormous relief from the contractions but it would have been rude to decline a little extra. So Pethidine, (which was my saviour when in labour with Lorelei) was prepared for me.  I wouldn’t have necessarily chosen Pethidine and it wasn’t on my wish list the second time around because it had made me quite sick and Lorelei fairly sleepy when she was born, she’d not cried and had needed a slap on her bottom to get her to take her first big breath. —I’d worried Baby C would too be sleepy, but  the midwife assured me the effects of the Pethidine would have worn off by the time Baby C appeared.  

They added an anti-sickness drug to my cocktail of pain relief and injected it into my bottom and I scared the crap outta everyone in the room because I screamed louder than you could possibly imagine. ‘Bollocks!!!!’ Was the actual word I think I chose to scream in order to convey the ridiculously, crippling, stingy sensation of the drug as it was administered. Honestly it stung like a bee and the pain didn’t go for ages and ages. (It still sort of hurts now if truth be told lol) 

I’m sure at this point my smiley midwife thought she had a right old wimp on her hands, but I managed to claw it all back in the end.  

The warming effect of Pethidine is wonderful; so calming and relaxing, yet even with that tranquil sensation swimming through my body I could feel the strength of the contractions increasing by the second. That’s why it’s called ‘pain relief’ and not, ‘pain eraser.’ I can’t describe contractions to be honest but I can tell you that I had to remain focused through each and every one of them or I would have lost it all together and become quite hysterical.  

So I focused really hard on my breathing. Every time I felt my body begin to seize up with the pain I sucked hard on the gas and air and filled my lungs to the brim before exhaling slowly. I repeated this until the pain had gone and I could relax again for a few moments. And then later I found I needed more to focus on, so I came up with the genius idea of quoting lyrics to songs in my head to myself whilst I was breathing in.  

‘Flying without Wings,’ (which is a song that get’s right on my boobies but is one that Jay loves) was the main one. Everytime a contraction came a little voice in my head began to sing, ‘Everybody’s looking for that something . . .’ lol—so yes I had Gas and Air, Pethidine and Westlife as my pain relief during labour.  

Then I got that all too familiar urge. The one that all women get in labour. The urge to do a number two. Well, at least that’s what it feels like. Except the urge isn’t to do a poo at all, (thank goodness or we’d all end up ‘having accidents’ on the bed lol) Instead the urge is to begin to push the baby out.

I think this shocked everybody, except me. They thought the labour was going to be a long one, but I sort of sensed it would be quick and in a matter of an hour and a half I was all ready for take off :-) (How funny to be proud of something so odd.)  

And then my waters really did break. Like the Tidal Wave ride at Thorpe Park. A sudden gush and everything and every body was soaked. And I think I started to cry because I just knew at that moment that the pain was about to become unbearable.

The rest of the actual labour is a bit of a blur. In my head I see it all as a sort of flicker book. |A collection of images all flashing one after the other. Feelings of panic as I shouted, ‘I can’t do this . . .’ The sweat and heat of my hand gripping Jay’s. The hustle and bustle of the room as extra assistance was called for and uniforms came and went. The silver utensils and bowls and sheets and towels. The excitement. The adrenaline and the determination that I felt when I knew the entire situation was in my control. I was the only one that could do it. It was all down to me and the pain wouldn’t go until I pushed it away. 

I don’t know where the strength came from and I don’t mean to boast but I am once again in total awe of my body’s capabilities and the bravery and power that I never knew I had within. Bragging isn’t attractive. And I promise not to make a habit of it. But I think it should be said just the once. I. am the bollocks :-) lol  

When I tell you what he weighed I think you’ll agree, at the very least you’re gonna gasp . . . 8lb 14oz’s, just 2 weeny oz’s shy of a whopping 9lb(!!!) lol—But he doesn’t look it at all, he’s very dinky. And you know what? I don’t think it hurt any more than his big sister, who was over a whole pound lighter.  

Here is the point in my story where the euphoria kicked in. They put him straight onto my chest, his body warm and wet and tiny and tender and I fell head over high heels for him.  

I think the injection to help with the after birth came next. But I didn’t feel it because I was completely high. I was told it looked lovely, (personally I didn’t agree) and healthy, (must have been all that MacDonalds, chocolate and Ice lol) The cord was cut and shown to me, (it looked like a purply—coloured old fashioned telephone cord) and baby was whisked off for a little oxygen, (he had been born, as suspected, a little sleepy as the Pethidine effects just hadn’t had time to wear off.) 

Jay went out to the family room just down the hall to let his Mum know her Grandson had been born whilst my Mum and I remained in the labour room with the midwives and doctors. They poked and prodded me a little and then I heard the dreaded word, one that I had been petrified of. ‘Stitches.’ 

I wanted to hop off the bed then and there. To gather my things, put my pants on, grab my naked baby and head for the carpark, politely smiling and waving. ‘Thank you very much, but that won’t be necessary.’ I wanted to say. But they didn’t let me and before I knew it my bed had turned into something out of the transformers movie and my legs were up high in stirrups.  

By the time Jay came back and bubba was wrapped up I was like a rabbit caught in headlights. I didn’t know where to look. At the end of the bed, between my spread eagled legs was the doctor. Thread in one hand, needle in the other. The midwife carrying a ginormous torch as though she were going pot holing. Of course the doctor assured me I would be numbed and wouldn’t feel a thing. He would be injecting me with a very good pain killer. Tell that to my private parts mister, cos I’m not sure what’s worse? A Needle and thread or an injection down below? You decide. 

Of course I had to consider the consequences of not having the stitches. The prospect of my accidentally peeing myself on a regular basis in the future or simply my being a little out of shape down there was enough for me to grin and bear it. One final word on the matter right now before I erase the entire stitches ordeal from my memory for all eternity. And the word is OUCH.  

I suffered more after the birth I think then I actually did during the labour and I nearly kissed the doctor when he told me it was all over and I could now have a wonderful pain killer that would keep me relaxed and comfortable for over sixteen hours. But then you’d never believe what he said to me. He lifted the little capsule that marked the finale of my entire ordeal and cheerfully exclaimed, ’Right then, so I’ll just pop this up your back passage!’ What a wanker.  

So there you have it my friends. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Child birth is not pretty. It’s not dignified. It’s not glamorous and it’s not fun. But my goodness it is an utterly amazing experience and the reward you get at the end of it? Absolutely priceless.

I will be back with more updates but for now I want to tell you all I love you and am so grateful for your support and kind messages and everything. This blog means the world to me and you have no idea how therapeutic I find it, so thank you so much for reading. (Oh god these pesky hormones . . . I’ll be sobbing in a sec! lol) 

Lot’s of Love, once again! 

Steph x

Before I proceed with this extremely delayed update I should warn you, particularly if this is your first visit to my little blog, that today’s entry will almost definitely disappoint.  Of course under normal circumstances I am a very funny, witty and intelligent gal ;-) yet this blog entry, I fear, shall be void of any kind of wit or intelligence or humour.



My brain is a little numb, my body a little weary, and I’m a little grouchy. I’m slipping in and out of a depressing state which cannot be cured with manicures and chocolate (which is how I know it is the real thing and not just a ‘blue’ day) and I know that generally speaking depression isn’t contagious but I didn’t want to be responsible for making any of you lovely people suicidal :-)



Still, depressed or not, I owe you an explanation and an update and that is why I’m here, laptop resting on bump, flicking between my website and the ‘contractions master’ website and furiously tapping my freshly manicured nails against the keyboard.



My child is officially late. I’m gutted and gobsmacked. I never thought I’d reach week 40 of this pregnancy, let alone find myself one day overdue already. I assumed he’d be reliable and punctual like his Daddy. Alas he’s proved himself to be fashionably (and irritatingly) late just like his Mumma. So I only have myself to blame.



I went to see the Obstetrician last week. I asked him if I was actually pregnant at all or merely suffering the symptoms of a phantom pregnancy whilst eating too many pies. He told me that I am indeed pregnant. Though I still can’t quite believe him. I mean, sure I have lots of signs of a pregnant woman, the big bump, the spontaneous wriggles inside that bump, the ankles like tree trunks, Dolly Partons cleveage etc etc. Yet I still cannot believe that I will ever be a normal human being with a brand new baby to look after.



Whilst I sit here the size of a house I am all too aware that my buddies, also due babies in June are popping left, right and centre. Photographs of fresh babies are published on Facebook on a daily basis and Birth Announcements are hitting my mail box at the speed of lightening, (kinda like that Harry Potter Scene where the owls bombard the house with letters?)



Every day I receive messages from well wishers and excited friends, asking if there has been ‘any sign of baby yet?’ And the truth is that yes, there has been lots of signs. In fact I have more signs than the sodding M25 and the Ace of Base put together. I have signs coming out of my ears (not literally, though my ears seem to be the only body part that isn’t effected with signs.)  So yes, I am blessed with lot’s of crappy, painful signs but still no actual baby. And this is what I’m finding the hardest to deal with.



On a regular basis, (though not regular enough it would seem,) I am experiencing a sensation that I have concluded feels as though some kind of big snake (I don’t know much about big snakes so forgive me,) has made me it’s victim and is crushing my bump, chest, neck and back by coiling itself tightly around me. There it stays put for about a minute or so before it gradually releases me again. This has been occurring for over a week already.  Braxton Hicks, Tightenings, Contractions? Call them what you will. All I know is they’re nasty and they’re torturing me.



To be honest I think I’d be okay if it wasn’t for the fact that my body is constantly flashing all the right signals. I’m so unbelievably frightened of the task I have ahead of me, I grow more tense and scared and anxious with every minute of every day. I know ultimately that I’m the only one that can do this and I just wanna get this show on the road. And every time the contractions come thick and fast and I start to think it’s game on someone somewhere turns it all off again.  Okay, okay the pain? Bring it on. It’s the mental torture I can’t handle.



The good news, however, is that I managed to gain permission to have this baby here at home. I appealed against the decision, threw a bit of a wobbly (I didn’t mean to, alas the benefit of having so many crazy hormones flying around mean my tantrums, which are pretty effective anyway, are even more impressive at the moment lol) I’ve signed a declaration that basically states that in the event of my death my family won’t sue the crappy NHS and hey presto! Permission granted :-)



So we’re all ready to rock and roll! The midwives have dropped off some drugs already, my pool is ready to be filled, I have towels and buckets and candles and all sorts of other stuff. My Mum is here staying with us and so is my Mother-in-Law and my gorgeous husband is eagerly awaiting his paternity leave.



So where . . . Oh where . . . Is the star of this show?? COME ON baby!!



Today I took my fourth dose of the dreaded Castor Oil, which is just evidence of my utter desperation. This time though the midwife actually recommended it. I’m suffering the effects now, the cramps and contractions are almost unbearable yet I shall not complain. Pain is good right now, (I never thought I’d say that!! Lol) Just so long as they don’t subside before Baby C makes his debut.



Please, please send me some luck, I’ll be eternally grateful.



I’ll try and write tomorrow, even if it’s just a brief update.



Steph x

I wish I could blame my recent absence from my blog on the success of my GTBOM experiment and thus my baby’s arrival into the outside world. Alas I cannot. I am still full to the brim of baby, (growing by the minute too I might add) and this little one seemingly has no intentions on making his debut. Ever.

I’m always promising to tell the truth, the whole truth and *nothing but the truth in this blog, so despite feeling very guilty for being the bearer of such pessimistic news I feel it is my duty to inform you that the pineapple theory, on which my previous GTBOM experiment was based, has proven to be an absolute load of bollocks (for want of a better word.)

 I hate pissing on everyone’s fireworks and I so wanted the pineapple to do the trick . . . (Maybe I didn’t eat enough?! I don’t know.) I wanted to provide hope for my fellow waddling pregnant women, so I am very sorry, but do not fear, I shall keep trying :-)

As well as the constant remarks about my size and shape and the pats on the bump that I receive daily, (sometimes from complete strangers too) I am constantly asked the question, ’How long have you got to go?’  I loathe it, mainly because it is almost always followed by a comment that makes me really f’ing mad. (Note the need for the f word.) The comment in question?

‘Ah well, there’s nothing you can do about it anyway, baby will come when it’s ready.’

‘Baby will come when it’s ready??!!’ FFS. I know that these comments aren’t meant to drive me nuts (and it’s probably just my hormones that have me so riled anyway,) but this one in particular really grinds my gears. ‘Baby will come when it’s ready.’ Now call me what you will but I can’t help but think I am the parent, the birth-giver, the mother and therefore the boss. So I will decide when this baby comes out, thank you kindly.

Do I sound like a control freak?! I’m not normally. But boy does it wind me up. Even though I secretly suspect that they’re right, there is nothing I can do to determine when this baby comes, he will come when he’s ready. But you know what? Sometimes honesty isn’t always the best policy. And in my case they can save the truth, I’d much rather hear lies anyway. Gimme the old wives tales, a little light at the end of the tunnel and something to keep my mind busy and occupied whilst I play this waiting game, save your facts for someone who needs a kick when they’re down.

I have five days to go until I’m 38 weeks and therefore allowed to have my baby here at home. So I’m keeping my fingers (and legs, though that may be perhaps a little too much information for some) crossed that he will stay put until then. All experiments will officially recommence on the 4th June but until then I am trying to inject a little patience into the matter.

Whilst I am practising my patience I also have a another baby-related mission to accomplish. I need to turn him around. He’s not breech, (thank goodness) his head is indeed in the right place and ready for action, but instead of facing me, which is the optimal position for labour, he has his back to mine and all his limbs are front-facing. This, combined with my, ‘irritable uterus,’ (this is a real medical condition apparently—how typical of me to have it lol) is the main cause of all the Braxton Hicks contractions and other pains I’ve been getting.

I’ve heard I need to spend a considerable amount of time on-all-fours in order to get him to swing his little body round the right way. Alas can only think of two things that require one to be on all fours. The first is scrubbing the kitchen and bathroom floors, (not on your nelly mate) and the second is, well, you probably already know . . . (again, not on your nelly mate lol) ;-)



Yoga, swimming, laying on my left-hand side, swaying on my birth ball and sitting the wrong-way-round on my chair are all other activities I’m gonna try out, (of course will also welcome suggestions!)



If I can’t turn him I’m reckoning we’re in for one hell of a ride on the old labour train. It’s supposed to take double the time and be double the work giving birth to a back-to-back baby. Oh god help me . . . Perhaps I should go with the epidural after all ;-)



Wish me luck as I crawl around my house!



Love to all!



Steph x

 

Last night we experienced a little drama in the Connolly household, not unusual, you might say, since Jay and I are the unofficial King & Queen of drama, (you only have to look at the events and incidents that have surrounded us in the last three years as evidence.) This time, however, the drama came indirectly from the smallest and newest member of our crew, little baby C (the bun in my oven.)

It started with shooting pains in my lower back and tightenings across my entire bump, which wasn't too alarming as i'd kinda figured the contractions were just the usual Braxton Hicks, ('practise contractions,') which tend to come and go pretty quickly at random times and without any real pain at all.

Yet when i found myself waddling around the house like a duck and unintentionally doing Darth Vader breathing impressions - with contractions coming on every five minutes or so - i begin to panic, just a tad.

Jay timed them, (using the Contractions Master website) and I got in the tub to shave my legs and wash my hair, (cannot have baby C witnessing his Mumma for the first time looking like shit now can I?!) - I then telephoned my own Mumma, (which is the first thing i do in any crisis) who decided she should head on over, just in case.

At this point in my tale i should inform you that whilst i am incredibly intuitive and quite psychic at times, (seriously, i know you won't believe me but it's true,) when it comes to my own life this psychic ability almost always fail me miserably. (It's a shame really, i bet a lot of the aforementioned drama could be avoided if only i could use, what i like to refer to as my, 'Magic Powers,' to actually benefit myself.)

Based on this you would have thought that i'd learn to put my instincts regarding my own personal life down as just cock and bull, so when my instincts tell me that baby C is going to arrive in May i really should just ignore them.

However I have yet to learn this lesson and so with strong contractions coming thick and fast i decided on this occassion my instincts were correct and that Baby C's debut would take place pretty soon.

Jay telephoned the delivery ward at the local hospital and they told me to come straight in, so Mumma, Jay, a very sleepy Lorelei and I drove to Kettering in the middle of the night in anticipation, (and pain.)

Obviously it turned out i was fine and not in labour at all, (thank god as despite wanting my bod back i'm not quite ready for my little one to arrive just yet.) - The pains and contractions can be put down to a small infection i have, (nothing to worry about, just another delightful side effect of growing a baby) and the visit just confirmed my decision to have this baby in the comfort of my own home.

I know so many people are against the idea of a homebirth, (but trust me, if you'd been in the hospital last night you'd soon be in agreement) - I'm looking forward to it, (as much as anyone can look forward to an event that involves excruciating pain that is) - I'm gonna talk to my midwife about it tomorrow and I'll be back with the next installment of my plans for a hippy-chic, mother-earth style homebirth in no time at all!

In the meantime I am off to play with my new travel system :-)