There's no place like home - Stephanie Connolly 2010
We may be a small country, but we're a great one, too  . . . We’re the country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot . . .’ - Love Actually 2003

  Happy St George’s Day everyone :-)

Tis a beautiful day in Steph’s world. The sky, a cloud-less powder blue blanket, the sun bright and strong.  The garden alive with luscious greenery and baby buds awakening for the first time with spring.

The air smells fresh, clear, as though just one big gulp of oxygen would be enough to rejuvenate one entirely. The birds sing, the flag flaps in the breeze. And I can’t help but think, man I love it here.

There really is no place like home and this country, steeped in history, for which our ancestors fought and defended, will always be home to me.

Of course there is a lot that needs to be updated or changed entirely. (Not much we can do about the weather though, eh?! Lol)

Yet today, in order to demonstrate my immense pride and adoration for this tiny little land with big, big influences I’m going to be putting politics aside and focusing on all things positive. <3

So allow me to present you with this, my very own A-Z on all things to love about ENGLAND :-)

A-
*Accents. From the toffee-nosed, stiff-upper-lip, ‘BBC broadcaster’s’ voice to the sing-song Geordie accent. The ‘Combine Harvester’ country-bump-kin to the ‘Calm, down, calm down’ Liverpudlian sound. I love them all!


B–
*Bowler hats
*British Bull Dog
*Bacon (none quite as tasty as the English piggy) -
*The British Army. (I know, I know, 'British' not 'English' but I’m also highly proud of our United Kingdom and the Army definitely deserves to be here.) - Thoughts of our Army, past and present hero’s, those that lay their lives down everyday. As I said, I’m leaving the politics to the politicians (after all they need something, other than shopping, to do!) - but as an English citizen I am immensely proud of our Army.


C–
*Cream Tea’s. Mmmmmmm. ‘nuff said.
*Cadbury’s Chocolate. Just try to find better. I dare you.


D-
*Dandelions. Legend amongst the kids at school had it that these, cheerful weeds would make you wet the bed if picked. Yet when the season changed and the dandelion became the bearer of hundreds of fluffy white seedlings, they became quite magical. (We used to pick them, blow the seedlings, count how many breaths it took to clear the entire flower and then conclude that that number determined the time. (i.e—three breaths and it would be 3 o’clock, of course! Lol) ) - I don’t think Dandelions are exclusive to Britain, but nevertheless the countryside wouldn’t be the same without them.
*Dogs. We are a nation of dog lovers. Our four legged friends certainly are mans best friend. And to Englishmen they are so much more than that.

 
E-
*The English Rose. Pretty as a picture, our national flower is a symbol of love, pride and immense beauty.
*Eggs. I know, you can get them anywhere. But English eggs are always the yummiest.


F-
*Football. A universal language, perhaps, but nobody understands it better than the English. We invented it afterall.
*Fish and Chips and Mushy Peas. Perhaps it was our French friends that invented the concept, but we added the salt and vinegar and newspaper too :-)


G-
*Galaxy Minstrels.


H-
*History and Heritage.—We are steeped in history, with England being the birth place of so many influential characters, so many courageous battles, hero’s and villains. The English history is captivating and makes us the envy of the rest of the world.


I-
*Ice Cream Vans. The 99, the screwball, the knicker-bocker glory. (Nope, not what you think. Don’t be smutty.) delicious ice creams sold by smiley Italian men in brightly-coloured vans. Just the sound of the tinkering musical tune would be enough to have my little heart fluttering with excitement as a child. And now I watch my own daughter as she hears the approaching van of deliciousness. Magic.

J-
*Jelly with the aforementioned ice cream. (Jelly, jelly. By the way. Not ‘Jam’ jelly lol)


K-
*Kites. Oh heck, couldn’t think of one for ‘K’ - Kites will do :-)


L-
*Language. The English dictionary is absolutely legendary. We have the best language. What do Americans, Australians, New Zealands, Welsh, Irish, and countless others have in common?? They all speak, ENGLISH :-D


M-
*Manners :-) When it comes to common courtesy, etiquette and good manners, we have it down ;-) Oh yes, we know our P’s from our Q’s. Where else in the entire world would you find yourself arriving at a roundabout, in the same split-second as four other drivers, unsure as to who has the right of way and therefore, sitting patiently, smiling politely, and gesturing ‘you go first,’ ‘No, no, you go first.’ ‘No, you, I insist!’ lol
 *The Monarchy. Love ‘em, or loathe ‘em, there’s no arguing that we have one of the most amazing, influential, famous and legendary Royal Families of all time. 
 *Marmite.


N-
*November. (I’m kinda clutching at straws here, on ‘N’ - so go with me on this one?) - Bonfire night. Guy Fawkes.—He was English. :-)

O-
*(Having spent at least 5 entire minutes contemplating a love for the letter ‘O’ I have admitted defeat. Cos English people don’t have to win all the time. (Unless you’re my husband, he’s an exception.)

P-
*Pickled Onions. Yummy!
*Pie, Mash & Liquor. (Though I reckon that’s a London thing! Haha!)
*The Pub. The proper pub that is. The home-from-home. ;-) Where English spend at least 70% of the entire Summer months. And winter too come to think of it.

Q-
*Queues. We bloody love ‘em. :-/ lol
*The Queen :-D

R-
*Rugby. Although perhaps I am the worst person to explain why. Muscly men and mud. Though I’m sure there’s much more to admire about the sport that we play so well. ;-)
*The rain. Because, erm, we know it oh-so well.
*Route Master Buses.


S-
*Sunshine!! Tis appreciated more so in this country than anywhere else! Lol
*Surf in Cornwall (in the Rain) lol
*Shepherds Pie. With Bisto Gravy. Ahhhh Bisto . . .
*Sarcasm. We have it down to perfection.

T–
*Team Spirit. We call it the ‘Dunkirk spirit'. Generally speaking we are a nation that looks after our neighbours. Especially in a tragedy, we (make tea) support and comfort one another like no other nation.

U-
*Umbrella’s—the must-have accessory for the Englishman (and woman, and child . . . )

V-
*Victory. Our grandparents, great-grandparents and ancestors, who fought so bravely for us and our Country.


W-
*The Weather. Hahahahaha (Told you we were good at sarcasm!)
*The World Cup. It’s coming home ;-)
* Our Wildlife. All creatures great and small. From the teeny-tiny dormouse, to the prickly hedgehog, the fox, the badger, the hare. England is home to some truly beautiful species.
* William Shakespeare. Who so was.

X-
* x x x  - Kisses. English boys are the best kissers. I know this as I have conducted extensive research. Somebody had to do it.

Y–
*The Yorkshire Dales—(Oh and Yorkshire puddings, Yorkshire tea, the Yorkshire accent.—Ha, should have done one of these on Yorkshire alone!)

Z-
Zed. I know it doesn’t rhyme with ‘G’ ‘P’ or ‘V’ and therefore doesn’t sound that great in the ‘Alphabet song’ we were taught as kids, bit it is a fabulous word all the same.

So there you have it. Thank you everyone, for your suggestions. I hope I didn’t miss anything out. And I also hope that my friends from all across the globe won’t be offended, (English girls don’t like to offend—well, this one certainly doesn’t) - but on a serious note, we live in a country that is so influenced by ‘political correctness’ and it’s got to the point where English people are afraid to fly their flags for fear of being deemed racist, offensive or otherwise rude. Yet we are the first nation to join in (and indeed accommodate) the celebrations for our friends from other nations.

I’m young, but I’m aware of the sacrifices that my ancestors made to secure this country, our beliefs and everything that we stand for. And I am so proud to call this place home. So I’m flying my flag high. Not to be controversial, but to show gratitude to those citizens before me and to demonstrate my patriotism.

And now a trip to the pub, to drink gallons of beer is of course required on a day as fine as this, and I won’t be letting anyone down :-) But before I head out, dressed from head to red-high-heeled toes in the colours of our flag I’d like to wish you once again a very happy St Georges Day. Wherever you are :-)

Steph x x x 

*Some of the above facts may not be entirely accurate. But hey, I have lots of celebrating to do, so might not have used as much time researching as I could have :-/ lol

- Feel free to add your own loves below x x x

 

 
 
I’d like to begin today's blog entry by offering my sincerest apologies to the commuters on the 10:11 East Mids Train service to Bedford. Calling at Wellingborough, Kettering, Steph’s Booty and Bedford. And to satisfy any curiosity you may have, this is what I look like from the front. ——>

Had you had the opportunity to actually identify my face you would have witnessed the horror that I attempted to disguise as nonchalance, but my blushes would have given the game away. It was indecent, I know, and I am so sorry. However the exposure of my arse is an extremely infrequent occurrence and I can assure you all that it will *not be happening again. 

If it might be of any consolation to you, I’d like you to know that, my bottom, contrary to the eyeful you got this morning, was once one of my worthiest assets.

Indeed twas in fact the bearer of one of the most prestigious awards I’ve ever won. You see, ladies and gents, what you saw this morning, that sort of resembled a Belgium bun, was actually once awarded the title of Brannigans Bar’s ‘Rear of the Year!’ (in 2002 I think?! Either way it was a million moons ago. Ooops, pardon the pun!)

Yup! So really, if you think about it, you’re kinda lucky you got a quick flash for free. ;-)

Of course it isn’t often that my derriere gets to see the light of day. Not since it tried to battle gravity and sort of lost a bit. But today it seemed that my trusty butt fancied a cheeky glimpse of the outside world, so it took it’s chances, waited for a bit of wind, (not THAT kind of wind!) and escaped out of my flappy shorts.

Unfortunately, at that precise moment in time I had found myself trying to negotiate my way out of a mud puddle, (gimme a pair of heels and I can strut across the globe any-day, but put me in flats and I’m pretty much useless.)

My trainers squelching, my arms stretched out for balance and my face raspberry-red and sweaty. And that’s when the wind blew. And that’s when the train passed. And that’s when I decided to buy some nicer pants. (Oh and ensure I always, always include my bottom when slapping on the fake tan from now on.)

I’m not sure about weight, but I always manage to lose my dignity whenever I exercise.

Alas I have little choice at the moment. Not since it became very apparent that I have been carting evidence of some of my passions on my hips. I’m not kidding. It’s all there. All that sugar from when I replaced my nicotine habit with chocolate instead, all the yummy bread from my bread-making escapades, the extra wobbly bits from spending too long sat writing my book, the baby weight from my delicious babies (I didn’t eat them, you understand! (Though babies were about the only thing I didn’t eat whilst carrying my children.)) And now, much like Shakira’s, my hips are most definitely not lying.

And so, modesty intact or not, I’m on a mission to find that inner goddess (I didn’t eat her either, in case you were wondering,) and bring my sexy back. Yeah. (Did I mention, by the way, that Justin Timberlake is actually my other husband?! Yep. It’s true. Just thought that you should know.)

Of course the exposure of my arse isn’t the only tale I have to share with you on the topic of my new fitness regime, I have lots and lots to tell. But you’re gonna have to wait, because my bottom and I have already spent far too long sitting at the laptop for one night. ;-)

Steph x

* Unless under the influence of lots of alcohol / being paid ridiculous amounts of money / becomming so skinny that my trousers accidentally fall down lots.  
 
 
30th August 2008

 “ . . . Now the drugs don’t work, they just make you worse. Or so I’ve been told.

 But that’s okay, cos right now I don’t need drugs anyway. I’m high on life.

 God that sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But it’s how I feel right now, right now at this very second. And guess what? Instead of over-analysing this, like I do with most suspicious emotions, (I can’t help it, I’m female, it’s what we ‘do’) I have decided to embrace my new found high and run with it, (not literally though, I’ve already done enough exercise this week, thank you very much!)

 Speaking of drugs though, (and sorry if I get that crappy Verve song stuck in your head,) – I went through a stage not so long ago of really believing that I needed some kind of substance to keep me going.

I’m not necessarily talking about the illegal kind, (especially if any policemen happen to be reading this,) – I just felt like I needed a new addiction.

Cigarettes are out of the question, since I quit last July, (not that I’m counting the months or anything) – Jay won’t let me even look at them. Which is such a shame since I’ve sort of forgotten why I quit in the first place now.

The Nut Squad, (whom I haven’t seen in a least a week, (check me out!)) have prescribed me some kind of anti-depressant which makes me feel quite pissed, which is sort of nice, but can be a bit of a pain in the arse when it comes to putting my make-up on or something, (Co-Coa the clown needs to learn my techniques,) – They’ve also given me beautiful, beautiful drugs to take for when I need to sleep and can’t. I think they’re about the closest thing to heroin I’ll ever get my hands on, (heroin’s quite expensive isn’t it?!) I shouldn’t joke about that, heroin isn’t funny at all. It is just a waste of tea spoons, (or so I’ve heard.)

I’d love to get my mitts on magic substances of the green variety, or, ‘Wacky Backy,’ as my Mum still calls it, but unfortunately there’s not much call for it here in, ‘no mans land’, so all the drug dealers, (much the same as the pizza delivery drivers,) don’t seem to cover our area.

I was looking out for an addiction that doesn’t require a small mortgage to fund, (thus eliminating cocaine from the equation,) and doesn’t make you feel sick if you accidentally have too much, (so there goes booze too, which is good since the Nut Squad have forbidden me to drink just in case I end up sitting outside the local church with a can of Tens, slurring my words, peeing on myself and scaring the choir boys.)

In the end I settled for a very dangerous substance. Dangerous as it can be found in almost every household and therefore there’s no getting away from it. It is so amazingly addictive that they even sell it in our local shop, (which is a miracle, trust me) – no, it’s not aerosol sniffing, (I never did really understand all that sock and deodorant stuff anyway,) it is Chocolate.

One moment on your lips and a lifetime on your hips, yet I still crave it almost every evening. And now I can’t help but think how silly I am for wanting a new addiction in the first place.

Quickly I need a new fix? I’ll welcome all reasonable suggestions. Just don’t suggest I turn to exercise as we all know that that’s a load of bollocks. If exercise and endorphins and all that jazz were really as good as they’re cracked up to be, how come half of the world’s population is still obese??! Huh??! . Exactly. . .”

Seventeen months on and not only am I still a non-smoker but I am also a non-eater now too. (Of course I am still eating a bit, just not a lot.) And I’m kinda wondering what non-smoking, non-junkie, non-eating people do for kicks these days?!

Since I adopted my new saintly lifestyle I’ve found myself surrounded by rules and regulations. My new regime does not include consumption of chocolate, for example, which is a serious travesty. I am not allowed to smoke. Merely to breathe in the scent of somebody else’s cigarette smoke, (which may sound revolting to all you born and bred non-smokers, but is actually heavenly to former fag-heads like me.)  I am allowed to drink vodka, with juice, (cos at least that kinda counts as one of my five-a-day,) but Budweiser, (my beloved beer of choice) is totally outta the question.



So many rules. Too many for a gal with a rebellious approach to life, but I’m trying my very hardest to be a good-girl. After all it was my idea, (well, it was sort of me, the stroppy stubborn me that occasionally surfaces to put her two cents in from time to time.) And I can’t let myself down. (because stroppy stubborn Steph can be a force to reckon with you know.) 



I’ve got loads to tell you about regarding my mission to be a health saintly Steph, but for now I’m gonna indulge in something highly addictive which thankfully I know is good for me. Something I’ve been deprived of for way too long. Something that I know will leave me totally satisfied yet craving more at the same time. A little trip down Wisteria Lane and a large dose of the new series of Desperate Housewives. Yeah baby! :-)



Love to all



Steph x

 
 
Et voila! Crimbo & New Year all wrapped up again for another 4 seasons. And, though I love the fun and festivities, it is with a little sigh of relief that I slip comfortably back into normality.

I have flicked a cheeky finger at my superstitious-self by whipping the dec’s down a whole 6 days before the ‘12-Day’ rule. I did it yesterday. The tree, the garlands, the lights, the cards and the ornaments all packed neatly in the garage for next year. I concluded that it’s probably only unlucky to take them down early if you believe it is. And I don’t.

I’ve also decided not to make any resolutions this year either. In my experience resolutions only serve to make me feel unnecessarily guilty when, come Jan 5th, they are no longer in tact. So it kinda makes sense not to promise myself anything in the first place.

Of course there are plenty of life’s little pleasures that I ought to give up,  (chocolate, Diet Coke, Vodka . . . )  And plenty I could do with more of, (apples, exercise, shoes . . . ) and there are loads of random things I wanna achieve too, (help rescue orang-utans in Borneo, run the New York Marathon, sponsor a roundabout, that kinda thing . . . ) But I definitely don’t need to begin 2010 with more pressure and commitment upon my shoulders.

According to Wikipedia, NY resolutions have a teeny tiny 12% chance of success. And we all resolve to change the same stuff too. Year after year our motto’s and missions remain the same. To avoid failure, which I don’t do well, I am officially declaring that I’m not gonna change a single thing. ;-)

Having said that however there are a few things I‘ll definitely be leaving in 2009. I haven’t a choice. They’ve already gone. First to disappear was my gorgeous Red Lipstick. Which sucks since I’d grown rather fond of it of late, tis very rare to find such a good shade of red for my rather uneven pout. Alas it rolled it’s way outta my clutch on NYE never to be seen again. 

I have toyed with the idea of telephoning the Casino, to ask if it has been handed in, yet I fear they might underestimate the value of such an item and could therefore not take the matter as seriously as they should. Perhaps if I pretended it was some kind of spy device they’d return it to me? Just a thought.

So with the exception of the absence of my lippy, and the new dry-cleaning bill for removing the kebab grease from my red coat, (one cannot conclude a classy night out without a greasy meal of some kind after all) not a lot has changed in my world since last year.

I told you I was a good girl in 2009 and my sweetness did not go unnoticed. For Father C did indeed fill my stockings well! He didn’t exactly grant me with every little request on my list, but he did get me many a fabulous treat. And one of my fave gifts has been my new Wii Fitness Plus thingy. I cannot get enough of it. I have hula-hooped, dressed as a penguin and practised my balance, cycled, jogged, boxed and taken part in rhythm Kung Fu, all whilst still in my PJ’s in my very own living room. So far I’ve been on it everyday this year ;-) 

I feel tense, but good tense, achy, but satisfied. So I think I’m gonna make a habit of it, use the Wii to get extra fit and healthy this year. *Obviously that’s not a resolution though. lol

Hope your own resolutions are still intact? ;-)

Steph x